***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
