Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
