She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
