You're so nebulous sometimes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
