the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
