i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
