dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
