I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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