I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
