I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
