There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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