his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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