We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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