Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize