final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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