Pants 0. Shit 1.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
