So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
