FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
