That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
