Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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