also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize