So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
