woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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