so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
