I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
