don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
