I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
