The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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