16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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