So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
