All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
