My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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