You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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