Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
