Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
