Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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