My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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