please come you make the beer taste better
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
