Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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