the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
