It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
