So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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