fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
