Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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