i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
