Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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