I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize