It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
