He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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