Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
