I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
