your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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