I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
