Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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