Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
