I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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