Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
