she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
