My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
