I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I supernannyed him into submission
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
