hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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