dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
