Im at strip club and am horny
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize