I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
