The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
