gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
