This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
