May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
