i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
