I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nicole vs. Life
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
