After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
