Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
