Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
